Revelations

So I have a blog post all typed up and ready to go, but it was over a week ago and seems a little...well, outdated. It was all about expectations and how they ruin our lives. If you are really interested, let me know!

I have had a revelation this week. I am not in control. Crazy, right? Seriously, I've known this for a while, but haven't really lived in light of it. I have gotten up every day and just asked God to help me be stronger, help me do better, help me blah blah blah. And I have failed miserably. Then this week in our adult Bible Study (sunday school, just doesn't do it justice), a sweet friend said "Why do we pray to God for strength?" And I'm thinking, duh? because I can't do it by myself. Then he said something to the effect of we want God to make us stronger, better, more this or that, bionic in a way, and that's not what God wants from us. He wants us to let Him do it through us. We just need to get out of the way. And it CLICKED! I've been trying WAY too hard. Although I know in my head that I can't do it and I say with my mouth I can't do it, I still live like I can. I need to get out of the way! So far this week it's been...I'm not sure there's a word for it. Revolutionary? Life changing? That all sounds too commonplace, too banal. I'm not working myself to death and have found some of the joy that I've been looking for. I highly recommend if you are still being a Martha to reconsider.

As you can tell from what I'm searching for, we have a new issue in our lives. Libby, at 8 years old, is asking when she can get married. Seriously? Married? She says she wants to have a boyfriend. Are you kidding me? I'm so not ready for this. So we've been stocking up on books relating to Christian courting and purity, etc. etc. How many of you stopped and did a double take? Yes, I said courting. And yes, it's me, Nikki. I have come to believe that dating as we know it is not what God had in mind for His children as they search for a life-long mate. And considering that the brain isn't fully formed (particularly the frontal lobe which helps inhibit risky behavior) until age 25, it makes sense to give a structure, guidelines, a certain measure of protection. I was already married and a mother by then. But I digress. I know most of the objections: it's too protective, the kids will be freaks, dating is necessary to see if you are compatible in marriage. But I propose that not only is dating not preparing you for marriage, it is in fact potentially preapring you for divorce. At least the way I did it. In a dating relationship, for the most part, you do it because it is fun. And when it ceases to be fun, you desire, and are encouraged, to leave said relationship. Life is too short and you are too young to live this way, we are told. The fact is most dating relationships do involve participants that are indeed too young to be involved at the level and intensity that they are at. So we learn to leave. Then there is the issue of physical AND emotional purity. I know I heard a lot about not having sex before marriage, but no one EVER talked to me about guarding my heart, and that aspect has proven to be so much more damaging and painful for future relationships. On top of that, compatibility before or at the time of marriage does not in any way assure compatibility throughout marriage. Sometimes there are things we just don't know about, no matter how long we date. And the fact is, none of us remain the same people. I man I married is NOT the same man I am married to today (good, bad, or indifferent), and no amount of dating could have prepared me. Yet we are still called to remain, for better or worse, through thick and thin, when it's fun and when it's not. So why not enlist the help and wisdom of parents to look for the things that matter in the long run, not what we see, that perhaps blinds us at the time? Pray for us as we begin this journey. It is such a far cry from where we both have come from and at times feels a little hypocritical, but our desire for our children is borne from hearts that seek after God and want His absolute best and stems from painful experiences that we would keep them from repeating. As always, I would love to hear your thoughts, comments, (constructive) cristicism, etc.

Praying for you, nikki

Analyze This...and that...and them

I am a thinker...not a talker. I like to analyze people. I was one course short of getting a minor in Psychology and have had just enough Abnormal psych to be dangerous. I like to put people in boxes - it makes me feel better, feel like I have a handle on them. I even do it to myself. I know my Myers-Briggs type (ISFJ) and have tried to guess others'. I am neither right or left-brained, but center-brained which keeps me in a constant state of conflict, trying to meet the demands of both my creative and logical sides. I am a conservative. I birthed a Hedonist, a Post-modern, and a Terrorist. My husband is a talker. He is an "E" on the Myers-Briggs scale. He isn't in any of the boxes that I am in. My kids fall into all different categories, some of the most difficult being those that their dad is in! People who fall in a certain box, I deal with in a certain way. It's kind of a formula. This system serves me fairly well, until I encounter someone who doesn't fit in a box. Every once in a while I come across an individual who leaves me at a loss as where to put him or her. I remember very clearly when the wife of a college friend called me up and asked me to go pottery painting with her. I quickly labelled and boxed her, only to find that she actually genuinely wanted to get to know me. Now she is one of my dearest friends. I consistently feel like I don't deserve a friend like her! When my husband became a true follower of Christ, He switched boxes on me. That was even harder. I liked some of the boxes he switched from. I stood (and some days still stand) in the midst of boxes pulled from their shelves, holding him in my hands and wondering exactly where he belongs. I have a cousin who was in the Catholic and liberal boxes, who now doesn't fit really in either. The problem with boxes is that there really isn't room for people to move. It quickly disintegrates from being an orderly system into chaos and frustration. There's no room for change. The Newsboys say it best in their song "Shine." (What you should have heard when you first arrived!)


And try as you may, there isn't a way
To explain the kind of change
That would make an Eskimo renounce fur
That would make a vegetarian barbecue hamster
Unless you can trace this about-face
To a certain sign.


The Lord who created us all, who made us with and knows all of our imperfections, weaknesses, strengths, struggles, etc. not only allows us to change, but desires that in us, as we are conformed to the image of His Son. Either we would have to be perfect at birth, be made perfect at the moment of salvation, OR allow ourselves AND those around us room, time, opportunity, and grace to change. And sometimes it is a painful process. Let me give you an example. I love food. I mean, LOVE food. Anything fatty or fried. Red meat, sweets, carbs...love it all. The Lord has gradually brought people into my life to show me the benefits of caring for His temple, my body, and the little temples around me. I would love to say that I have embraced it willingly and with joy. It's been more like wailing and gnashing of teeth....I was not originally happy with this, and I honestly think that part of it was that I felt like I was losing part of what made me "me." I went into Whole Foods and almost had a nervous breakdown. The Lord was switching my boxes. Nikki didn't go into the "Whole Foods shopper" box. And I still don't. But I'm learning that there are really only 2 boxes. Those who are diligently seeking to become like Christ and glorify God in all they do (believers) and those who aren't (non-believers). And Scripture tells me how I should interact with them. So all this time I've been making it WAY more complicated than I needed to. Imagine that....

A Whole New World....

So after weeks (literally) of trying to determine what I want this blog to LOOK like, then taking a few days off because I was tired of messing with it, I am finally posting something. Not being sure who, if anyone, will actually want to read this, I find myself at a loss for what to write. I guess this really is more for my sanity than because anyone is DYING to know what I do every day. But hopefully the Lord will be able to use something shared here for a greater purpose.

Let me begin with the title. Certainly someone is wondering what that's all about. It is multi-faceted, so let me explain....no, there is too much, let me sum up. (anyone know what movie that is from?)

• As many know, we have been praying about and considering full-time missions for several years now. Our field of choice is the U.K. The official flower of Scotland is the thistle and the official flower of England is the rose. There are many references to the thistle and the rose throughout the history of those two countries, most notably concerning the uniting of them under one monarch, a Tudor princess (fascinating family) named Margaret, sister to Henry VIII. I have a historical fiction called "The Thistle and the Rose" that still sits waiting to be read. There is also an Irish pub named as such, but I digress...
• As believers, we are called out, called to be different. Maybe we should be the rose, but more often than not, we appear to be the thistle. Foreign, alien, strange to this world.
• On a personal note, I'm a bit of a black sheep, or at least feel like one. One small example: My immediate family were all born in GA, home of the Cherokee Rose; I was not. I could go on about this topic, but it's not healthy, so just know that I have some experience in this area!!

If you are still reading, you are a true friend and I appreciate that my ranting doesn't fall on deaf ears. I will be praying for all of you who are joining me in this journey, however short or long it may be.