I have had a revelation this week. I am not in control. Crazy, right? Seriously, I've known this for a while, but haven't really lived in light of it. I have gotten up every day and just asked God to help me be stronger, help me do better, help me blah blah blah. And I have failed miserably. Then this week in our adult Bible Study (sunday school, just doesn't do it justice), a sweet friend said "Why do we pray to God for strength?" And I'm thinking, duh? because I can't do it by myself. Then he said something to the effect of we want God to make us stronger, better, more this or that, bionic in a way, and that's not what God wants from us. He wants us to let Him do it through us. We just need to get out of the way. And it CLICKED! I've been trying WAY too hard. Although I know in my head that I can't do it and I say with my mouth I can't do it, I still live like I can. I need to get out of the way! So far this week it's been...I'm not sure there's a word for it. Revolutionary? Life changing? That all sounds too commonplace, too banal. I'm not working myself to death and have found some of the joy that I've been looking for. I highly recommend if you are still being a Martha to reconsider.
As you can tell from what I'm searching for, we have a new issue in our lives. Libby, at 8 years old, is asking when she can get married. Seriously? Married? She says she wants to have a boyfriend. Are you kidding me? I'm so not ready for this. So we've been stocking up on books relating to Christian courting and purity, etc. etc. How many of you stopped and did a double take? Yes, I said courting. And yes, it's me, Nikki. I have come to believe that dating as we know it is not what God had in mind for His children as they search for a life-long mate. And considering that the brain isn't fully formed (particularly the frontal lobe which helps inhibit risky behavior) until age 25, it makes sense to give a structure, guidelines, a certain measure of protection. I was already married and a mother by then. But I digress. I know most of the objections: it's too protective, the kids will be freaks, dating is necessary to see if you are compatible in marriage. But I propose that not only is dating not preparing you for marriage, it is in fact potentially preapring you for divorce. At least the way I did it. In a dating relationship, for the most part, you do it because it is fun. And when it ceases to be fun, you desire, and are encouraged, to leave said relationship. Life is too short and you are too young to live this way, we are told. The fact is most dating relationships do involve participants that are indeed too young to be involved at the level and intensity that they are at. So we learn to leave. Then there is the issue of physical AND emotional purity. I know I heard a lot about not having sex before marriage, but no one EVER talked to me about guarding my heart, and that aspect has proven to be so much more damaging and painful for future relationships. On top of that, compatibility before or at the time of marriage does not in any way assure compatibility throughout marriage. Sometimes there are things we just don't know about, no matter how long we date. And the fact is, none of us remain the same people. I man I married is NOT the same man I am married to today (good, bad, or indifferent), and no amount of dating could have prepared me. Yet we are still called to remain, for better or worse, through thick and thin, when it's fun and when it's not. So why not enlist the help and wisdom of parents to look for the things that matter in the long run, not what we see, that perhaps blinds us at the time? Pray for us as we begin this journey. It is such a far cry from where we both have come from and at times feels a little hypocritical, but our desire for our children is borne from hearts that seek after God and want His absolute best and stems from painful experiences that we would keep them from repeating. As always, I would love to hear your thoughts, comments, (constructive) cristicism, etc.
Praying for you, nikki
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